Skip to main content

The Same Old Same Good


It's funny how things go in circles. 

I remember, over three years ago, telling myself I needed to do something else... something else, mind you, other than being a full-time mom, full-time wife, freelance writer, and vintage clothing seller. No -- I needed to do something else so I could feel like I was really doing something.

Really working.

I remember pulling on my boots one day and tying them while in tears thinking, "I have too much time on my hands." I need to do something productive.

Looking back, I know now that these thoughts were insanity. I think I was just out of my mind for a few months and really needed someone to slap me and say, "Lady, you are doing more than enough. You are enough just as you are."

But, I needed to be really working.

Why would I say this? And why would I even think to ask myself this? Wasn't I already working? Wasn't that enough?

So, I added a part-time job to my schedule. 

Then a year later, added another one.

There's this stigma out there for women --who don't work outside of the home-- that in some way, somehow in ways that defy logic (logic that bamboozled me), that we aren't really working if we don't wear heals and head to an office for eight hours.

This concept is glorified in television, it's talked about in books, heck, the working professional concept is the premise of every Hallmark movie. 

And yet, if I really thought through these lightweight Hallmark movies, did not the working girl -- every time -- leave the corporate office job for the one out in the country? Didn't she crave a job that wasn't quite normal? The one she really wanted that didn't involve bosses and pantyhose, but doing things that made her happy?

Really working? As in, I wasn't working before this?

Three years later, I'm rejoicing after finally realizing that what I was doing before was exactly what I wanted to do now -- only more of it.

I'm freelance writing to my heart's content, writing middle-grade fiction -- that may or may not see the light of day -- and selling vintage clothing. All the things that don't seem like work. All the things that I love doing with every fiber of me. 

This was work that I didn't think was work because I got such joy in doing them.

Therein lay the conflict. 

I was working. But I was doing stuff I loved so much that it didn't feel like work. 

It made me feel like I needed to do more.

But, I was wrong. I needed to stay right where I was and do more of what I loved.

Instead, I got two (two!) different new jobs during this three-year time span. And while they were wonderful learning experiences, and I can add them to my resume, here was the problem: I lost myself and my love for life in all of it.

I didn't need to do more. I was enough, doing enough, and God was good to give me what I loved to do early on in life (and put it right in my face for a decade) until I decided it wasn't enough.

My bad.

All of these jobs became overwhelming. I acquired an auto-immune disease. Things sort of fell apart -- as did my body -- and I was unhappy. I didn't get to do as much of what I loved to do anymore (freelance writing and selling vintage) because I had two new jobs to do.

Real work.

I finally got rid of both jobs.

I'm free.

Think the grass is greener on the other side? It's not. As the adage says, "Water the grass on your own side."

For me, that meant doing more of what I loved.

This is now my only goal.

I'm watering my own grass, thank you very much, just enough to make my grass grow wild and green, and am thrilled I re-found myself in the last three years.

-Heather


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Characters That Work

I’ve heard countless times that agents, when looking for the next great manuscript and readers, looking for the next great read, want compelling characters. But, what does this mean? Compelling? And why have I never thought of characters as compelling when I can’t put the book down? Sure, these characters are amazing, and sometimes I want to be in the middle of the stories as if they were my own experiences. But why? Compelling characters make me --force me-- to be in love with them as they find their way through trials or charge fearlessly down hidden hallways and dark forests. This makes for wonderful literature, and for fascinated readers. But how do we do this? How do authors create compelling characters -- ones that not only we want to read but others too -- and convince our readers that they should care about them? Here’s a tiny list by which I try to strive: Make them human: This is a given. And most writers would tell you this is. Give your character flaws that lots o

Increasing Your Vocabulary │ Overused Words

My husband and I have this running joke that if we played a drinking game for the first -- and only the first-- five minutes of any news segment, anywhere in America, we'd be under the table in two. Why? Because this drinking game is based on the repeated use of the word "impact." It's okay if you can hate me now. Because after this post, you will notice this word EVERYWHERE and how overused it is. I get it. The word is impactful. It makes a point. Pulls a punch. But ... it's beyond this, my friends. It's overwhelmingly beyond this now. I also understand that each decade has it's colloquial and trendy words. Totally understand that. I can dig that, yo. But, there's an all-out assault on this word. And most of the time, it's used incorrectly. Do you know what the word impact means? Per Merriam-Webster, it means 1.   a.: to fix firmly by or as if my packing or wedging   b.: to press together 2.   a.: to have a direct effect or i

Make a List │ Getting Things Done

Like many of you, I am a list-maker. I find them to be one of the most rewarding things I can do in my little life. Well, that and drinking coffee and wearing vintage. But, I digress. List-making really only consists of three things: paper, a pen, and your brain. While there are myriad articles and books on tidying up and minimal living (both of which I fully embrace), living a simple and minimal life can also start just by making a list. So, why should you write a list? Three reasons: it's simple, it's in front of you, and anyone can be master of their world with one. Yes, dare I say master of your universe. Pretty amazing, right? That little list holds your sanity, order and clarity. And those are all we really need. Check out this list I wrote the other day: I listed the errands I had to run (go to post office, then to Salvation Army and Goodwill to find my vintage to sell). I listed the work I had to do (list two items items for sale on my vintage Etsy site,